he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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