you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
