I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
