i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
