Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
