You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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