i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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