Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
