I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
