I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
