about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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