You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
