all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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