i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
