As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
