Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
