peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
