i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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