I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
