i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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