I met the friendliest cop last night
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
