so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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