Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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