I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize