I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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