He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
