I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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