Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
