i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
