I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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