Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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