I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize