If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize