Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
how drunk are you?
Several
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
