i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dignity is for republicans.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
