I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
