I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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