For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
