My cat gives me a boner
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
