the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
