You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
