THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
