i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
