Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
