I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
