I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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