I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
