There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
