someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
