is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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