Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
