you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
