I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
