Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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