And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
