Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
