Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
