I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
