singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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