So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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