Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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