White coat. Heels.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
