Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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